I headed off to my favourite bathhouse, The Cellar, this weekend for a much needed, post-holiday romp. It was already pretty busy when I arrived, but I managed to get a room. I was still unpacking my bag when the first guy arrived at my doorway. He was a tall, good-looking guy with a nice hairy body. After he closed the door he asked me what I was into. “Sucking dick and getting fucked,” I said. “Oh … I’m more of a bottom.”

He asked me if I partied and I told him I did. Then came the obvious questions most tweakers ask in this situations: What do I party on and did I have any to share? I had some E with me, but I wasn’t about to share it with a bottom; if he’d been a hot top, then perhaps. This tweaker told me he had been partying since early yesterday. Great, that means you’ll have no hard-on to speak of, I thought.

He asked if I had a dildo and would I fuck his ass. Then he told me that he had “no limits.” He added when I worked over his ass I could really go nuts. He lied back on my bed and I said, “Everyone has limits.” He insisted that he didn’t. So I said to him, “Well I don’t imagine you’d let me shove a knife up your ass.” He just looked at me stunned and said, “Well, no.”

“There you go, you have limits.”

So I greased up the dildo and started inching it in his butt hole. I barely got the head in when he said, “You know, I forgot until you started with the dildo, but my hole is really sore. So I think I’m going to go.” I don’t know whether his hole was really sore or whether my comment about the knife freaked him out. (In hindsight it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say, but I wanted an extreme example to make a point, and that was the first thing that popped into my head.)

What’s really funny is that this guy proved once again that he had limits because if he truly had no limits, then fucking his sore butt hole with a dildo wouldn’t have been a problem.

If you’re a guy who walks around saying “no limits” I get that you’re trying to convey that you’re really sexually open minded, adventurous, and you’re willing to try new and wild things. But in the realm of extreme and rough sex play, you’d better mean what you say, or you’re going to find yourself in a heap of trouble one day. Don’t say “no limits” if you don’t mean it because to someone out there, no limits could mean that you’d let the guy kill you just to get off. No limits could mean the guy would like to shit in your mouth, or tie you up and leave you there for a week, or God knows what else.

No limits … get real.

I’m a comic book geek, and while D. Chooi Doodles doesn’t produce comic books, he is one of the most talented gay toonists out there, and he’s probably my favourites. In fact, D. Chooi did the Joe Spunk logo.

If you’re not familiar with his work, D. Chooi produces hot hairy men in toon form – hairy daddies, older men, big-bellied bears. His creations are hot, realistic, and get me revved up. He also seems the go-to artist for bear groups and events looking for logos. I see his work all over the place on bear sites and also in posters for bear events that I see in my neighbourhood.

D. Chooi Doodles has a Tumblr site where he displays a lot of his work and this piece with this blond, hairy Nordic god is his latest offering for the new year. His Tumblr site also has some fantastic wallpaper that you can download for your computer. You can also check out his website called DchooiDoodles.

D. Chooi’s work generally features gargantuan cocks, often uncut, and sometimes dripping with cum. If you’re looking for something a little different to get you charged up, check out D. Chooi Doodles.

I went to The Cellar, my favourite bath house, the other night and I was hoping for a good night of romping. In case you haven’t been following My Dirty Sex Life series, I need to tell you that I regularly attract crazy people at the baths. So I wasn’t surprised when, within minutes, my crazy magnet seemed to be working.

I was sitting on my bed and I turned to my bedside table to get a drink of water. My head was only turned away from my room door for a couple of seconds, and when I turned back, this guy was rushing into my room and bounded on my bed. To say I was a bit startled is an understatement.

This guy was pretty hot. He looked like gay pornstar John Magnum. He wasn’t built like John Magnum, and as I would discover in a few minutes, he wasn’t hung like John Magnum. But he was the spitting image of this hot stud. He asked if he could hang out with me for a bit, and who wouldn’t want to have sex with a man who looked like John Magnum? So I told him to make himself comfortable. (I blogged about the real John Magnum a few weeks back in a Lucas Entertainment video where he was fucking muscle hunk Samuel Colt and there’s another Cocksure Men post called Fucking John Magnum.)

He went on to tell me that he had a buddy in The Cellar and they were looking for a place to smoke some stuff. I should have just said “no” and asked him to leave, but I didn’t. I was thinking with little Joe Spunk.

He left and came back a minute later, flopped back on my bed, and started sucking his cock and rubbing my hands all over his hairy body. His cock was doing nothing. A couple of minutes later, this guy joined us, closed the door, and sat on the floor. He pulled out a pipe and was starting to load it up. He was nervous, didn’t seem to know what he was doing, and dropped whatever he was going to smoke on the floor a couple of times.

He asked “John Magnum” to do it for him. He didn’t have much more luck. He dropped it half lit on the bed and nearly burned his cock. And with every attempt to light this stuff, this other guy said, “Did I get ripped off?”

Finally the newcomer decided that he had been ripped off and he left, forgetting his pipe and stuff on my bedside table. Crazy “John Magnum” followed him to make sure he was okay and then came back.

I was going to let him chill out for a bit and then ask him to leave. I figured if he was smoking crack or meth he wouldn’t be able to get it up anyway. But as I played with his cock, it started to get hard. So I gave him head for a while, and when he said he wanted to fuck me, I hopped on board.

We had a good fuck session. But he talked through the whole thing. He kept telling me how nice I was to offer my hospitality, how hot I was, and told me he wanted my number. While he’s fucking me, he asked me where I lived and a bunch of other stuff. It was bizarre. Before he left we talked for a bit more and I asked him what he was partying on and he said nothing. Well if he wasn’t partying on something, he was off his meds because he was kind of crazy. He eventually left and I figured that was the end of him.

However, for the next two hours, every time we passed in the hall he had to touch me or hug me. Once he knocked on my door, which was closed, simply to say “goodbye,” but then stayed for another hour. Another time he told me he was worried and that I should get rid of the pipe and stuff; he didn’t want me getting into trouble if the staff found it after I left – I already had disposed of the stuff in a public garbage can.

Finally, after about six more goodbyes, he was gone. And I carried out with what turned out to be a very hot night. More stories to come.

You might be asking why I just didn’t cut this thing off when he asked if he and buddy could smoke in my room. Well, like I said, he was hot and I wanted to have sex with him. These romps at the baths aren’t in search of a husband – I already have one of those – I’m just looking for hot sex. And from time to time, if I can’t have hot sex – or even if I can – I like accumulating these stories and experiences, they make for fun blog posts.

Joe is your typical blue-collar, Irish, New Yorker – he loves beer, women, and blowjobs. He’s also a plumber. He’s a stocky, hairy man and has a strong body. He agreed to make this video for New York Straight Men for the beer money to go out drinking with his buddies. I wonder if he’ll be telling them how he earned the cash.

The thing is that Joe has a small cock. A lot of cocksuckers wouldn’t give Joe a second look, but I actually don’t mind sucking a small cock. Last weekend I headed off to my favourite bathhouse – The Cellar – and while there I experienced both ends of the spectrum.

This black guy in a yellow jockstrap came in my room and he had a huge cock, it had to be 9-plus inches long with a downward bend. I really liked sucking this man’s dick because he knows that he’s well hung and it’s a chore for a cocksucker to service a piece of meat like this, so he was gentle, considerate, and took things slowly. He held my head and gently slid his cock down my throat, when I swallowed the whole thing, he’d stop, hold, then release me.

Then I’d go back to bobbing on his cock for a bit and we’d start the whole deep-throat thing all over again. He’d slowly push his huge cock down my throat until my nose was buried in his pubes. But he was so gentle about it. He’s a smart man actually. He’s figured out that slow and easy is the best way to get a deep-throat blowjob – ram your huge dick down a cocksucker’s throat and it’s all going to be over pretty quickly.

The last time we did the deep-throat thing a tear actually fell out of my eye. I was so stoked. I don’t know that I’ve ever had that happen before. But I loved it. Now I can actually say that a man fucked my throat until my eyes watered.

A while later, a young skateboarder type came in my room. He was a cute thing and not my usual type, but he seemed so eager to play with me, so I let him. He sat on my bed and I started sucking his cock. It was already rock hard and it covered in foreskin, but it was small, maybe five inches. But I was fine, I love foreskin, so I chowed down.

I took a break for a second and this guy started twitching, you know like the crack heads you see standing on the street. And I started to think, “uh oh.” But I quickly figured out that this young guy had some kind of condition, and when he wanted to talk, he twitched and stammered. So he leaned in close and said softly, “When I saw you come in I thought you were so cute.” Well, didn’t that just make my heart blush.

So I decided I was going to give this skateboarder the blowjob of his life. Anything he wanted was fine by me. Turns out that he wanted to fuck my face. So I let him. Now this is where a small cock comes in handy because he could thrust as much as he wanted and I wasn’t going to gag. I actually enjoyed his mouth fucking quite a bit.

When I sensed that he was getting close, I asked him how he wanted to cum. He said that he wanted to fuck my mouth really hard and then cum all over my face and chest. So I took off my shirt and let him go to town. When the moment arrived he didn’t manage to hit my face, but he did splash a humongous load of spunk all over my hairy chest. There were about five or six good pumps of cum, I thought it would never stop, and it was really watery cum, so I was completely soaked when he was done.

So which dick did I prefer? You know, they were each hot in their own way. And I wouldn’t say I preferred one over the other. I loved the gentleness and patience of my deep-throat-fucking, black man, but I also got really charged up knowing that some guy with a small cock who thought I was really hot was having a really good time. And isn’t that all any of us wants?

Back to Joe The Plumber, he lied back on the couch and let this cocksucker do him. And when he was ready, he splashed his load of spunk all over this cocksucker’s face. Hot! And I guess the lesson in all of this is that one shouldn’t overlook guys with small cocks, you might be missing a really hot time.

I went on another rampage this past weekend. The Steamworks in Toronto has a bear event on the last Saturday of every month, and it’s been a while since I checked out Bears, The Baths, and Beyond, so I thought I’d give it a try.

I hooked up with a hot, muscle man as soon as I got there, but that’s a story for another post. Suffice it to say we had a very long session that was very satisfying. But things went downhill from there.

I was in my room kneeling on the floor and this hot, hairy man stood in my doorway. “Do you smoke?” he asked. And I told him I did. “Can I smoke a cigarette while you blow me?” You’re not supposed to smoke at the Streamworks, but the scenario sounded hot, so I said, “Sure.”

He sat back on my bed and I waited for him to light his cigarette. It suddenly occurred to me that he didn’t have one. “Do you need a cigarette?” I asked and offered him one. (I figured this was a bad sign, I should have just thrown him out.)

But this man had all the makings of a hot session. He was good looking with a beard. His body was solid and hairy and as I soon discovered, he had an uncut cock – perfect.

So as he got to smoking I started sucking his cock. After a couple of minutes of blowing him I was still waiting for his dick to get hard. He was making a lot of noise, so he seemed to be enjoying my mouth, but no hard-on.

After about five minutes of this I told him I wanted to take a break. “Thanks, that was great!” he said, “Sorry I didn’t get hard.” And he left.

I don’t understand why this happens time and again. I regularly encounter guys who can’t get their dicks hard; no matter what you do, nothing’s happening down there. And I know it’s not me because I sucked several more dicks that afternoon and managed to produce an erection every time.

With easy accessibility to Viagra, I don’t understand why more men don’t hook themselves up with a prescription. Maybe they’re embarrassed to talk to their doctor, but why? Isn’t it more embarrassing to have a cocksucker bobbing on your cock for ten minutes and your dick is still soft as can be? Wouldn’t you prefer to talk to your doctor than to have someone like me talking about your limp dick on his blog? Or worse: pointing you out on the street or in a bar and telling all his friends that you can’t get your dick hard?

Now, if you’re inclined to get yourself some Viagra, there are a couple of things you should know. First, you shouldn’t use poppers and Viagra at the same time, your ticker might explode. Second, don’t buy Viagra on the Internet. You need a prescription to buy Viagra, so whatever they’re selling on the Net probably isn’t the real deal, especially if they’re not asking for a prescription. I’ve also read some reports that a lot of “Viagra” offered on the Net is made in China and full of dry-wall compound. Go and see your doctor and buy your Viagra at a pharmacy.

Here’s a handy guide from Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, that will help you make sure that what you’re getting has a hope in hell of being the real thing: Tips to Safely Buy Viagra Online.

Finally, if you have erectile dysfunction, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I smoke, I have Type 2 Diabetes, and I’ve had weight issues for most of my life. All three of those things affect my boner maker. So what!

If you’re going to have sex, you can pop your little blue pill in private, so your partner doesn’t even have to know, if you’re that self conscious about it. I don’t particularly care. With that hot muscle guy I talked about earlier, I paused the sex for a minute and said, “Hang on a sec, I have to take my boner pill.” He just smiled and said, “I took mine earlier.” I popped my pill and we had a hot session.

A few weeks back a hot man came into my room. He was good looking and well hung and things started off pretty normally enough. I was enjoying deep throating his big cock and he seemed to like it, too. But all that changed when he pulled off my t-shirt.

You see, I have moobs, man breasts, whatever you want to call them. In the past two years I’ve lost 120 pounds, but my breasts and belly are putting up a fight and they’re the last to go. Well, turns out this guy is crazy for man boobs. He grabbed them, squeezed them, licked and sucked them, talked dirty to them, and called them tits. He even told me he’d love to see me in a pair of nylons. Not my scene, thank you very much.

I put up with it because I was really hoping to sit on that big cock of his, I’d even wave my “tits” in his face while he pounded my hole, but as my luck would have it that night: he saves fucking for his partner.

On my last visit, an older gentleman came into my room. He was quite handsome, and again, he had quite a nice, meaty dick. I sucked it and almost made him cum twice. But as he didn’t want to shoot his wad just then, he took off.

Later on I found him sitting in the theatre, so I decided to give him another try. I got down on my knees and when I put my mouth down to suck his big dick, it was gone. This guy has pushed his cock inside his body and he’d fastened an elastic band tightly around his artificial foreskin which the procedure created. So I went with it, but really, it was like sucking on a button.

He loved it and made a great deal of noise, which was good for me because it signaled to everyone else sitting in the theatre that I’m a good cocksucker. But it just wasn’t doing it for me, so I headed back to my room hoping someone else would stop by for some of that.

Well, he followed me. So I played with him some more, hoping I could get that elastic off his cock. But he wouldn’t let that happen. I laid back on the bed and he jumped up and straddled my chest, then he fingered his foreskin, blew his cum load all over my beard and mouth – he tasted great – then he said, “Well that was different!”

The last one of the night arrived at my room where I was kneeling and hoping to suck a nice dick. I guess he wasn’t very in tune with bathhouse etiquette – you know if you’re on your knees you probably want to suck dick. So he got down on the floor and started sucking my cock. Okay fine, I like a blowjob as much as the next guy.

He pumped my dick a couple of times in his mouth, then he stopped and took this big honking draw on his poppers. Then he went back on my dick for a couple more pumps and back again with the poppers. And every time he inhaled, I thought his fucking head was going to explode. Then he’d say with his raspy voice, “Sorry man about the poppers, I just love them.”

I eventually just got up and opened the door and watched him stagger down the hall.